Plumber's But

I have two items at the top of my "Least Favorite Chore List." They are in a dead tie and have remained firmly fixed in that position for at least the last 25 years. I developed a dislike for digging as a result of digging one too many holes for my dad as a teenager and I learned to hate painting the first time I tried it and realized the mess I had to clean up at the end was uglier than the unpainted wall that I started with. I hate them both equally, so I have allowed the number one spot on the list to remain a tie all these years.

Just below the coveted number one position held by painting and digging is number two: plumbing. Plumbing is best defined as a series of messes that result in mistakes which result in more messes. And that's what I got to do last weekend. Our kitchen faucet has been dying a slow death over the last few months. It's decline began with a few small drips. Then the fatal illness advanced to a stuck handle and finally to the low water pressure phase. Its fate was ultimately sealed a few days ago when my wife was shopping for food at Costco and found a new faucet. Right about now, the Costco faithful are all saying, "I know which faucet you got! We saw it in the coupon book last week." And you'd be right.

And that brings me to my story. Last Saturday I got to climb under the kitchen sink and try to put wrenches where wrenches don't fit as I forced my arms to bend at unnatural angles while water spontaneously poured down on my face.  I called upon my now eleven-year-old son a few times to help hold things up top while I turned things down below (usually the wrong way because I was disoriented lying on my back.) Did I mention that plumbing was number two on my "Least Favorite Chore List?" As I struggled with a non-compliant nut on the old faucet, I must have been grunting because my wife walked by and asked, "Do you need Zach to help you again?"

"Not unless he knows how to cuss," I replied. "Because that's all I need right now." Mom didn't send him. And that's when I realized what "Plumber's But" really is. Plumber's But, has nothing to do with ill-fitting pants. It's more closely aligned with Murphy's Law than with Levi Strauss. Plumber's But is the phenomenon that occurs when one is lying prone beneath a sink with arms entangled in a mass of pipes and suddenly realizes, "I had the nut ready to thread onto the bolt, BUT I dropped it" or  "BUT I was sure I left that wrench lying right on my belly so I could reach it easily the next time I needed it." Or my favorite, "These nuts were all standard sizes when I installed them ten years ago, BUT now they're all metric!"

There are a lot of BUTs that occur while one is plumbing, but the most frustrating one is "BUT I thought that connection was tight enough." Anyone who has ever been under a sink knows all about these inevitable annoyances.  As far as I'm concerned there really is no way to avoid Plumber's But. The best a man can do is hope the But doesn't rear its ugly head too many times as you lie on the bottom of a cabinet thinking this job is a real pain in the...neck.

What kind of chores are on your "Least Favorite Chore List?"