Green Beans

Everyone knows that there are different cuts of meat. We have all heard of sirloins, t-bones, chucks, and even the tubular hot dog, but have you ever stopped to consider that other foods have different cuts as well? Some foods just taste better when they are cut right. Take carrots, for example. When was the last time you gnawed off the end of a root-shaped carrot? Chances are you have been getting your beta-carotene from those nicely rounded baby carrots that you find at the grocery store conveniently pre-packaged and ready to eat. So, why do people buy baby carrots instead of the full-grown rooty carrots? The answer is obvious: for the same reason they buy prime rib instead of the tempting hoof cut, because it tastes better.

When it comes to sources of greenery in my diet, nothing beats a good old-fashioned can of green beans. One must be careful when purchasing canned green beans, however, because they come in two different cuts. As a matter of fact, one cut is so lamely named, that there is no doubt it is the inferior of the two. Take a look at a can of green beans in your pantry and see if it bears the lame name “Cut Green Beans.” If it does, you need to take a serious look at the meaning of your life. Perhaps you are like the Amish, and have been called to a life free of the wonders of the modern world. Or perhaps you are like a priest or a nun who has given up worldly pleasures to pursue a life that is pleasing to God. If that is truly your reasoning for eating “Cut Green Beans” then you have my blessing to continue eating them.

If, however, you are simply lame as the lame name “Cut” implies, it is time to step it up a notch. There is a whole new world waiting for you just beyond the reach of your pantry. Next time you venture out to the local market, try picking up a can of luscious, delectable “French Style Green Beans.” These green beans are as different from their inferior cut friends as pot roast is from filet mignon.

After you gently pour the French Style Beans into a covered microwave safe bowl, place the dish in the afore-mentioned microwave and set it for two minutes. Just after the ding signals that your meal is ready, carefully remove the hot dish from the microwave and set the lid aside. Without wasting any time, add a quarter of a cup of French Fried Onions (they sell them in a can on the green bean aisle) and gently stir. Ahhhh, the aroma.

Lame “cut” beans could never compare to the luxurious taste that the romantic French have provided for our tired American palettes. Next time you think that France has taken a back seat when it comes to international events, consider this. Somewhere in America, somewhere in Canada, and yes, even somewhere in the Middle East, someone is enjoying a can of French Style Green Beans, savoring every long, stringy bite.

And, yes, in case you were wondering, French Style Green Beans were on sale today and my loving wife bought me ten cans!